


Beginnings and Balance

by annaliesegrace



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, be cautious, spoilers? maybe.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 21:01:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15227811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annaliesegrace/pseuds/annaliesegrace
Summary: The bond continues to bring Kylo and Rey together in new and interesting ways. Based on EPIX rumors.





	Beginnings and Balance

**Author's Note:**

> First a hello, I am new to this fandom though not to writing.
> 
> Second a warning: This fic deals with a very specific but highly unlikely "rumor" from the next movie. DO NOT read if you don't want to know. I saw the rumor myself, laughed, blew it off but my brain would.not.let.go. So you get this, which I hope you enjoy.

Confusion. Denial. Horror. Acceptance and finally…fear.

No. Terror.

The feelings raged through Kylo Ren like a maelstrom, overlapping, banging against each other, fighting for air, for space to settle. They wouldn’t, he felt like he was drowning in them. But they were not his.

The datapad in his hand slipped to the floor with a loud thud and instinctively he stood and looked around for the source of the churning emotion. The room was empty.

_Her._

It was then he recognized the feeling of the bond around him, like the air had been compressed, the ever-present hum of the Finalizer’s engines muted. It had been nearly three months since Crait, since she’d closed the door on the Falcon. He’d assumed the bond was gone, faded away the longer Snoke was dead.

But he couldn’t see her, only feel her emotions. Something was very wrong, and his chest tightened a little with concern.

“Rey…” he called tentatively.

The bond was silent, again he frowned, the emotions were still surging into him, threatening to suffocate him with their weight.

_“Rey,”_ he said again, more insistently, and this time pressed his mind a little toward her, using the emotions like a rope to lead him - still he could not see her. His own fear started to compete with hers and Ren mentally scolded himself – why was he feeling fear for her? She’d rejected him, more than once. And yet…

And yet he could not fully deny the hold she had on him, the urge he had to be with her. He was a moth drawn to flame, unable to stay away even while knowing the heat would burn. Something deep inside him knew his fate was tied to hers.

Once again, he called her name and closed his eyes to concentrate, trying to see her. The bond shifted, moved and slowly she came into focus, sitting on a table, legs dangling, her face tear streaked: she looked shell shocked.

Suddenly her focus shifted from the floor (by the Force he wished he could see _where_ she was) and to him.

“NO!” she shouted, and he felt her push violently against the bond, a mental shove that sent him physically stumbling back a few feet. That was new. Then he realized that while he could now see her, he could not sense her emotions, or thoughts, she was blocking him.

“Are you all right?” he asked, true concern in his voice. They may be on opposite sides in this war but the idea that she could be injured, killed even set his own emotions roiling. Kylo refused to consider the why of that.

“Why do you care?” she snapped and stood, pacing slowly.

Rather than admit to his own confusion on the matter, Kylo deflected with a part truth. “I still hope one day you will join me. That can’t happen if you are dead.”

Rey’s eyes darkened and she stared at him. “Still holding out hope for that? Let it go, Kylo, it’s not going to happen.”

Kylo. She’d reverted to calling him Kylo again.

He shrugged. “Circumstances change.”

The fear was back and tinged with panic, but only for a second before she clamped down on it again, cutting him off. What was she hiding? “I am more than aware. But I will not be part of the First Order.”

Anger started to rise in him. “That’s not what I wanted, Rey. I wanted to start something new…with _you._ ”

“New? Would it really be new, Kylo? Or more of the same but with you in charge? You said it yourself, you’re a monster.” She blanched a little. “A monster doesn’t change.”

The words hit close to home but before he could respond the bond cut off and she disappeared, leaving him standing in his quarters.

What had happened to her? A sudden, unpleasant thought occurred to him: was it his mother?

Carefully Kylo reached into the force and found Leia’s signature, steady and alive. Maybe one of her Rebel friends? No, whatever it was felt more personal than that.

Anger started to well up in him, why couldn’t she see what he wanted? To rule with her at his side. He hadn’t lied, it would not be the same First Order with her there to temper the monster within him.

Let the past die; kill it if you have to.

Kill all of it, and from that a New Order of their own creation.

But she continued to refuse him, to fight against him, and until the Resistance submitted to his will this war would continue. Frustrated and unwilling to take it out on the furniture in his own quarters, Kylo stalked down to the training rooms to destroy a few droids.

XXXXXXXXX

He was going to throw up.

No…she was.

Sitting in another pointless meeting with Hux droning on about bringing the Outer Rim under control the sensation of nausea flooded his system, so overwhelming that he nearly retched.

“Supreme Leader?” Hux questioned.

Kylo stood, barely keeping it together. “We will continue this later.”

“Supreme-“

“Later, Commander,” Kylo pressed out and stalked from the room with all the confidence he could muster while his stomach rolled, and an acidic sensation rose in his throat.

He’d barely made it to the fresher before his breakfast came up into the toilet.

What was happening?

Kylo was certain it was Rey who was ill and yet, here he was vomiting light years away. There was nothing in his research of force bonds that would lead him to think this was even possible. Was it their combined power? Or something more sinister? Was she experiencing what he was?

His stomach was starting to turn again.

Reaching out carefully as he stood, Ren followed the feelings as he did before, and like before, Rey slowly came into focus, curled up on a small cot that he could actually see, covered in a blanket.

“Rey?” he said lowly, and her eyes moved up to meet his.

“Great,” she mumbled, and another wave of nausea rolled over him.

“You’re ill,” he said and mindlessly stepped toward her, intent on providing comfort.

She recoiled back toward what he assumed was a wall. “I am, yes. Don’t touch me.”

“I…I vomited.”

Now her head raised off the thin pillow and that fear was back. “What?”

“It would seem your symptoms are manifesting across the bond we have. I was physically ill not 10 minutes ago.”

Rey shook her head. “That’s not-“

“-possible? Yes, I am aware. I’ve done research, and this type of physical connection has never been recorded.”

“Please go,” she said quietly and laid her head back down.

“Rey…we need to…document what is happening. Test our bond, see what is possible.”

“No.”

Frustration flared in him. “I don’t think you understand how rare this is...”

“I do and still…no.”

Kylo decided to take another road. “Did you cut me off last time we connected?”

“Yes.”

“How?” he asked, genuinely curious.

Again, just her eyes moved up to meet his. “I…visualized cutting it, like a string. And you were gone.”

“It’s getting stronger, the bond; this was not Snoke’s doing. He may have taken advantage of it, used it for his own purposes after realizing before us it existed but…he did not create it. That was us. Or the Force.”

“Do we really need to discuss this now?” she asked and Kylo felt another wave of nausea roll across him.

“Is the food that bad where you are?”

Rey let out an amused laugh. “Something like that, yes.”

And then she was gone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Happy, she was happy now.

Kylo had been trying to sleep but couldn’t settle his mind until a feeling of happiness and joy washed over him. Sitting up he tried to follow the feeling as he had done before, but she pushed back, preventing him from seeing her.

_“Rey…”_

_“Yes…”_ Ah, so they could hear each other at least.

_“Why can’t I see you?”_ he asked and sensed hesitation across the bond, she was keeping something from him.

_“It’s not a good time…I’m naked.”_

Lie.

_“Why are you lying? What’s happening.”_

_“Dammit, Ben. Just because we have this bond doesn’t mean you get to know everything.”_

_“I…you’re right.”_ He was loath to admit it.

There was no response and despite her silence, he could still sense her emotions (irritation at him, happiness, excitement with a little fear) and he wasn’t sure what was holding the bond open: Rey or the Force itself.

Was the force trying to tell him something? Or reveal something?

Kylo wasn’t sure but it was driving him mad. He fell back onto the pillow and rolled onto his side. As he drifted into the space between awake and asleep Kylo felt joy and a strange tumbling in his abdomen, rather than push or try and follow it and risk her ire, he simply allowed the sensations to lull him into sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

_BEN!!_

His name screamed through the bond startled Kylo so badly he nearly slipped in the shower, saved only by his hand grasping the controls. It had been months since he’d fallen asleep to the sensation of joy, Rey never attempted to open the bond anymore and his every attempt had been ended by her without a word.

But now…now she was calling to him and he opened his mind.

_Ben…Please. PLEASE BEN!_

Kylo froze, the water streaming down as his name reverberated through his head like a shot. Swiftly he turned off the water and wrapped a towel around his abdomen, as he knotted it agonizing pain ripped through his lower body and he fell to the tile floor on his knees, a hand on the wall keeping him partially upright.

“Rey!” he yelled back, both aloud and through the bond, he couldn’t see her, only sense her pain and fear. Who was doing this to her?

_BEEEEENNNNN!_

Someone was holding her hand, whispering in her ear (he couldn’t hear the words) and rage flowed through him at whoever this invisible person was, even as they seemed to provide her some comfort while he could do nothing.

Determined, he focused on her, pushed his pain away and called to her. _“Rey…I’m here. Show me where you are, I’ll come to you.”_

_“Ben…”_ she whispered in relief, he could feel her delirium, everything around her was foggy, indistinct and confused. Except the agony which was sharp, focused.

_“Tell me where you are,”_ he begged. _“Please.”_

There was another wave of pain and the person whispered in her ear again, the rage in his body intensified.

Kylo was angry, frustrated but also terrified that his match in the light was dying, calling for him, and there was nothing he could do. He felt impotent, insane with the inability to do anything, so he focused on her and only her but still he could not _see_ anything, only hear her through the bond and feel her pain.

_“Ben…”_ she repeated desperately. _“I need…”_ Then another scream and while he couldn’t see her, he could sense her thrashing around, fighting…something.

Tears were flowing down his face, whose they were he was not sure and in the moment he didn’t care.

_“Rey…at least let me see you.”_

_“I can’t…”_ she mumbled and then sighed as the pain receded a little.

_“Please,”_ he begged again, desperate.

“No…help him. No…” She was no longer talking to Kylo, her eyes had focused on someone he couldn’t see in the corner. Then a gut-wrenching scream and she cried his name aloud.

_“I can help you,”_ he pleaded. _“Tell me where you are.”_

“Save him…” she muttered again to the invisible person, ignoring his pleas.

Kylo frowned, he did not need saving. Had they been attacked, was there another person with her injured? Not that it mattered, Kylo cared little for anyone else besides her.

Something was keeping him from seeing her, he could tell it was not Rey, her force signature was not causing this. Instead he was forced to listen to her pain, it was torture. Angrily he punched the tile wall, breaking through and shredding his knuckles, the pain barely registered.

_“Rey…”_ he called again but there was no answer, yet the bond remained open.

She was unconscious. The bond violently snapped shut and Kylo was thrown into darkness.

The rage took over his body and he stood slowly, turning the anger on the fresher, sink, mirror, anything he could get his hands on was destroyed beyond recognition. The room looked as if it had taken damage from a blaster, pieces strewn everywhere. His hands were bloody pulps, and several cuts marred his torso and lower legs as sharp pieces had sliced him in his fury.

Once spent, Kylo wrapped a towel around his bloodied hands and sat on the end of the bed. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on the force, the ebbs and flows the tides and feelings, searching for her. She was not dead, he was sure of that, confident he would have felt it. It took several minutes but finally, finally he sensed her, weaker than usual but alive.

Now all he could do was wait.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled to him as he ate dinner alone nearly a fortnight later.

“Rey,” he breathed out, dropping his fork as relief flooded him. “Are you all right?”

Then she was there, standing before him, her clothes ill fitting, skin pale and tired.

“I’m…yes,” she sighed.

“It sounded like you were dying.”

“It was…a very near thing. I shouldn’t have called for you. I’m sorry.”

“You should probably apologize to the repair droids,” he quipped and her eyes darkened.

“Ben…” she sounded a little disappointed.

Back to Ben at least.

“You were screaming my name, Rey. Begging me to help you and then…you were gone.”

“I know.” He stood and approached her, Rey backed up. “Please don’t,” she whispered.

“What happened? Who hurt you?”

A rueful smile played across her lips then, “No one hurt me.”

“Then what happened?”

“I can’t…I can’t tell you. Not now.”

Suddenly the door chimed, and Ben gave it an irritated look, by the time he’d turned back, she was gone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Nearly three years the resistance had avoided detection and Kylo was starting to lose hope of ever finding her again. More planets were willing to hide their ever growing numbers and even assist with supplies. Even so, they continued to communicate through the bond, with her guidance he’d recently started to rule with a lighter touch, leaving many planets to rule themselves if capable (much to Hux’s eternal irritation) though each communication felt like treason. Because he never asked where she was, never even tried to guess based on the surroundings that became clearer with each connection.

Rey also never asked about the First Order, though had mentioned her approval of his new method of ruling in passing several times. The moments they shared belonged to them alone, neither was willing to break the trust they’d created. Their bond continued to grow, fed by hours of talking, Rey often cooling his temper, and with training, he had shown her so much that Luke had not be been able (or willing) to. Idly one day she had mentioned opening a school for the force sensitive – one neither Jedi or Sith, instead a careful balance of the two. Kylo had been concerned but she had spoken not of warring sides but teaching students both the light and dark sides of the force. It intrigued him more than he was willing to admit.

Alone in his quarters, frustrated with reports of unrest on several planets that the First Order had taken control of, the bond suddenly tightened around him and he knew she was there.

“It’s not a good time,” he said without looking up.

“I…we need to talk.”

“About?” he asked and glanced at her.

“I need you to do something for me. Just this once. I’ve never asked.”

“What?” he all but snapped.

“Move your forces from-“

“MAMA!” The voice cut across hers, but Rey only gave whoever had said it a half glance, almost as if she didn’t want him to notice. And honestly, he would have thought nothing of the small voice if suddenly a boy of about two years didn’t suddenly appear in front of Rey, arms raised up at her, sniffling.

“Could you stop that child’s crying…find its mother,” he said harshly, his patience that day already worn thin.

Rey sucked in a deep breath and her panic hit him like a saberstaff. “You can hear him?”

“Yes, and I can see the creature.”

“Oh, Force, no,” she all but whispered and now looked to the boy.

“Mama! Up!” he yelled happily at her acknowledgment and suddenly the pieces came together.

“He’s yours,” Ren pushed out between clenched teeth and stood, his ire shifting from the days annoyances to Rey and her child. _Her child_.

Rey looked between him and the boy, fear and panic warring. “I…”

“You have a child,” he hissed, and the rage built within him quickly. “Whose is it? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It doesn’t matter…” she started but he put his hand out and pushed her back, pinning her to a wall he couldn’t see, the boy looked at her curiously but not yet upset.

“Mama?”

Ren ignored the child. _Her child_ (his brain kept circling back to that, as if repeating it would make it not so) _._ That she had not mentioned. She’d been with someone, _bore them a child_ , and said nothing to him in three YEARS. He thought they were more than this, he thought they had…something between them.

The anger exploded in his chest and with a flick of his hand started to close her windpipe. He felt her fighting back through the bond but it wasn’t enough, his wrath had taken over, it was blinding him to the pain he was causing her.

“WHOSE!” he screamed, and the child now cried as if it had heard him but kept his focus on his mother, not sparing Kylo a glance (could the child even seen him?) “The traitor?” he seethed. “No, maybe the pilot?”

Tears sprung from her eyes and she gasped out, “Please don’t do this, Ben.”

“WHO IS THE CHILDS FATHER?” he roared and released her windpipe enough to speak.

“YOU!” she screamed back and Kylo stumbled back as if punched while Rey fell to the ground, coughing. “He’s yours. Ours.”

The world was spinning, everything was spinning, this wasn’t possible, they hadn’t. “But we didn’t…”

She pulled the crying child toward her, shushing him quietly. “As I recall your grandfather was a virgin birth.”

“He had _no_ father. How do you know…”

“We used your mother’s DNA. No doubt, he’s yours.”

Kylo turned in a small circle, trying to wrap his mind around the idea he had a child. With Rey. _Their child._ This was…impossible, and yet, that word was used often with the two of them. His head spun back, doing math, sorting out the child’s age, how long human gestation was. Remembering the first few force bonds after Crait, when she’d been so terrified (finding out she was pregnant), then ill, the fluttering (oh, force, that had been his son), finally the day he’d thought she was dying (labor). Then he understood, he knew.

“When we touched. At the hut. The force…”

“Yes,” she replied quietly, still clutching the boy’s face to her chest, the child had calmed.

Kylo shook his head, still dizzy from the news, confused and angry, so very angry she hadn’t told him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Pain, deep emotional pain pushed through the bond from her. “I thought about it often but what you just did, that anger you still can’t control, _that’s_ part of the reason. But I was also afraid what would happen once you knew. I couldn’t risk the entire rebellion if you figured out where we were, I couldn’t risk anyone in the First Order knowing, he would have a bounty on his head.”

The truth of her words hit Kylo like a saber wound. She was right, had he known of the child he would have done anything to find her, risking both the rebellion and the boy’s life.

“Who knows he’s mine?”

“Your mother, Finn, Poe, Chewie, Rose.”

Kylo nodded and continued to look at the back of his son’s head, his hair was still short but dark, like his own.

“What’s his name?”

“Bail.”

A tear sprung to his eye, his mother spoke often of her adoptive father and the love he had for her. Bail Organa had risked all to keep her safe from Darth Vader, it was a good name and he nodded.

“Can I see him?”

Rey tipped her head down and spoke lowly to Bail who nodded and turned toward Kylo, he was tanned like Rey, dark skin and hair offset by light hazel eyes and full rosy lips. There was no doubt this child was a mix of Rey and himself.

“DA!” The boy cried after a moment and smiled.

Again, it felt as though he’d been punched, Bail knew him. The rage disappeared in an instant, replaced by…wonder, amazement even.

“He…knows who I am?”

Tears were streaming down Rey’s face. “Yes, I couldn’t….” she sighed. “He doesn’t know…who you are exactly but he knows you are his father, we have shown him holocrons. Leia had some from when you were younger.”

“Da!” he cried again and squirmed to get away from Rey, she released him, and the boy walked to Kylo happily. The Supreme Leader crouched down to his level.

“Why can I see him?” Kylo asked her as the boy threw his arms around his neck.

“The force? The fact he’s yours?”

“I haven’t seen him before…” he mumbled and tentatively wrapped his arms around his son.

“He’s gotten so strong with the force the last few months. Sometimes it scares me, Ben. He’s levitating rocks, small equipment, a lothcat once.”

Kylo frowned. “Have you been teaching him?”

“That’s the thing, I haven’t. I was hoping to wait a while, until he was older to show him but...” Rey paused and stared at the back of Bail’s head. “Ben, what if…what if _he_ is the Chosen One?”

Kylo glanced at Bail, who had started playing with the buttons on his father’s tunic, before looking at her again. “From the Jedi Prophecy? But the Sith are long gone.”

“I know, but I’ve been reading old Jedi Texts-“

“Those dusty things?”

“Yes. Maybe…maybe the prophecy doesn’t mean the Sith and Jedi specifically, but the idea of the light and dark side of the force finding balance in a single person.”

Kylo turned this over in his head, Bail was the son of powerful light and dark force users, brought into existence by that same force. Was it possible? He couldn’t dismiss it out of hand. The need to be with them was suddenly overpowering, he was ready to leave that instant.

“Where are you?” he asked.

“I cant, Ben. You know that…the First Order.”

Frustration crossed his face. “No, I need…Force, I need to be with you. He’s my child, I can’t…I cant abandon him, Rey. Not like-“ Kylo cut himself off, though they both knew where he was going. Han. “If he _is_ the Chosen One I have to be there.”

Slowly Rey approached, bending down in front of him, placing their son between their bodies. “I know, Ben.”

Suddenly he was crying, openly and without shame, his tears falling as his hands gripped her waist. “Please, Rey. I’ll leave it all behind, everything for you both.”

“And then what?” she whispered, wiping the tears off his cheeks.

“We can hide somewhere in the outer rim,” he said desperately, nuzzling the baby soft hair on Bail’s head, he _smelled_ like a baby still. So innocent, so young. _His child. Her child. Their child._

“Hux and his generals will come looking for you. For us. You would be putting him in danger.”

Force she was right and suddenly he truly understood why she had not told him about Bail. It was an untenable situation. The only way to ensure their survival was the downfall of the First Order.

Kylo looked at Rey and he knew what to do. There was no question, no doubt in is mind. For the first time in a long time, Kylo truly knew his path was the right one, because it was a choice he alone made.

“You need my help,” he said and Rey tilted her head in question. “To bring down the First Order. We are going to destroy it. Together.”

END

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed at least a little bit, kudos are lovely, comments are better. I'm debating a chapter 2 from Rey's POV which would likely be longer but might take some time to complete.


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